Obsession Redirection
by unknown20troper
Summary: Sequel to Spazzing at the Gilded Lily. Norm and Crocker are at a fairy restaurant. Crocker is interested in fairy culinary practices. Norm isn't. Norm wants Crocker to be interested in him instead of culinary practices. ONESHOT Norm/Crocker


**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Fairly Odd Parents_.

**Author's Note: **Constructive criticism welcomed, particularly about characterization.

**Pairing: **Norm/Crocker

* * *

_Obsession Redirection_

Crocker was fascinated with the Fairy Café. He constantly asked questions about every aspect of Fairy dining. He found out that Fairy dining was practically identical to human dining, except for times when magic aided or hindered the process. For example, since magical creatures did not need to breathe, they never had to worry about choking on their food.

Norm didn't get what the big deal was for Crocker. Fairy dining, human dining, they were all the practically the same to him. He had lived fifty thousand years and had learned enough about the eating behavior of sapient (yeah right) species, magical or not to satisfy any curiosity he ever could have had about it.

However, he was glad to be served food for once, instead of serving it to masters that think it's the best thing since sliced bread, which it is in the literal sense, more often than not.

And maybe if he pretended hard enough, he could convince himself that Crocker was a genie dame interested in him, not a human man interested in Fairies and their culinary practices. Alright, who needed pretending when you were a magical, swinging, awesome in every way genie? He could turn this Crockpot into a Shock Hot.

GONG!

Crocker turned into a blonde genie dame, dressed in a pink outfit that showed skin and a pink veil. Norm sighed happily. He finally had Jeanie from _I Dream of Jeanie _in the same room as him. Kinda. Norm had cast an illusion on Crocker to make him look and sound like her and redirected Crocker's Fairy obsession into a get-into-Norm's-tail one.

"NORM! THE MAGICAL, SWINGING GENIE HE'S IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME!" spazzed Crocker.

Norm felt happy that Crocker was redirecting his obsessive nature onto something worth it–him!

"Well, I'm glad that ya aren't in another room too," said Norm sardonically. "I like dating you in this one. Though I'd be just as happy as we were both in… hmmm … a room that starts with B."

"The ballroom? The bathroom? The boathouse?"

"The first two could work," said Norm, "but the boathouse isn't even a room, Shock Hot. And it is not a good place for dating or coupling. It is said though, that you are only truly Canadian if you know how to couple in a canoe. Well, I don't feel like being 'truly Canadian.' Number one: I don't live there. Number two: I don't want to live there."

Crocker preferred being called Shock Hot to Crockpot. "Hot" was a slang term for beautiful or handsome and "shock" did mean surprise, though some of its meanings weren't positive. Therefore, he was surprisingly handsome or shockingly hot, according to Norm. No one else had said that ever about him. He felt shockingly endeared to toward Norm and his new obsession with him increased by 2x.

Crocker was shocked to see his lips were so close to Norm's. His lips never were that close to anyone, male or female (at least without them protesting.) Norm wasn't protesting, in fact he seemed to like the closeness.

Norm kissed Crocker. He clearly had fifty thousand years of experience, which contrasted weirdly with Crocker's have-ya-even-talked-to-a-girl? experience level. Yet, it was a good kiss.

"I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D EVER KISS ME!" spazzed Crocker. "NO ONE EVER DID THAT BEFORE!"

"And why hasn't anyone ever kissed such a lovely lady?" asked Norm, knowing exactly why but acting the part of the cliché in Harlequin novels in a sarcastically cliché way, then reverted back to his NORMal slangy type of speech, "hey, do ya want another?"

"Sure," said Crocker.

They kissed again. The previous kiss had obviously given Crocker more experience for this one and Norm was turned on even more than he was the previous time. Norm didn't feel like groping Crocker yet though. Crocker's body would still not feel feminine or sexy, would it?

GONG!

Norm magically straightened Crocker's back from under the illusion and moved the ear off his neck. Now, Crocker would at least feel sexy, if not feminine.

Crocker was shocked by how his back felt better and his ear didn't seem to be on his neck. He remembered Norm's rude comment on it. Norm had fixed his appearance for him. Norm had helped him a lot. He felt like thanking Norm–with a kiss.

Norm felt relieved that Crocker had begun the kiss this time. He was feeling too confused and exhausted to start anything like that himself. Crocker, who had exploited him and annoyed him, had somehow managed to attract him, made him want to kiss him. Norm had thought that only sexy dames could attract him. He supposed that he should have considered expanding his field of romantic interests before. He had just never considered Crocker to be a candidate for it. Yet, somehow Crocker was.

Crocker leaned in for another kiss. Norm decided to grope him this time. That was why he had got the physical fix-up for Crocker in the first place. Even with the physical fix-up, Crocker still wasn't good groping material. Just good for kissing and dating.

Crocker felt thrilled at Norm touching him like that. He felt like touching Norm himself.

Norm smiled as Crocker begun to touch him, staying above the waist in general, yet sometimes nearing his tail in a suggestive way. Crocker wasn't the best at it, but he had learned something from Norm's actions.

Crocker was getting tired. Spazzing Fairy hunting mortal humans did need their sleep, especially after having two dates with an immortal magical, swinging genie that didn't really need it. Norm got enough sleep in his lava lamp.

He resignedly GONGed Crocker back into a Fairy-obsessed man.

"FAIRIES! NORM! FAIRIES! NORM!"

Norm was surprised that Crocker still spazzed his name, even after he had removed the magic. Maybe he could convince Crocker to set him free sometime. Not now. He still wanted to date him a _few _more times.


End file.
